well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
