Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
