I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I understand Curling. That high.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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