I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
