i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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