Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We need to get me chipped asap
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
