I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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