you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
