At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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