Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
