Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
