I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
