Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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