Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
