what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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