I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
