why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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