"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
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Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
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I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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