I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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