Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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