Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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