I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
