That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
