What tipped you off? The sombrero?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
