White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
