half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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