There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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