she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
