I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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