Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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