singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
