why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
