just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
