i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Do vagina's smell?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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