Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
