I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
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HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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