girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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