nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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