So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You don't make any sense
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