screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
