I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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