Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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