She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
