Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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