i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me