bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
