Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
