I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
