Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
