Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
