I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
