Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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