yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
