dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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