We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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