He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
