do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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