I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
