I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
