i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
