I hope mine doesn't look like that
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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