i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
