What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
