You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
im drinking this country out of the recession.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
