Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
