Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
