Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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