i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just want nice things and good sex
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
