I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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