Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
