im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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