i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
