i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
