i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
