i would punch a child for taco bell
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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