Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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